I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
