oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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