Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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