Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
