wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
there's paper in my vomit.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
