we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i drank out of a bidet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
