I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
