The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
