im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
