i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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