dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
