So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
