woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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