i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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