It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
