You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
