The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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