Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
