Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
