I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
