He asked to "fluff my boner.."
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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