We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
