HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
