What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
