I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
