I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
