your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
