Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
