It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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