My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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