I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize