Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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