i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
