Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
