yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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