Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
