I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
third nipple confirmed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
