it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need water and some morals
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