Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
