Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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