I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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