did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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