So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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