Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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