Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
