I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
