I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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