i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
