its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
