I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
