I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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