You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
