Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
