you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
