look no pants
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
