You can't special order awesome
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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