look no pants
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
