Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
