whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
