dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
