I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
