Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
