Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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