You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
